My boyfriend had a child with his ex-girlfriend before he met me... Should i settle with him?

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#1
i have a boyfriend of 7 years now.. we're planning to get married by next year 2015... however, i have these issues thats still bothering me since the time he told me the truth... he told me he had a child (now 6 y/o) with his ex-girlfriend before he met me... and he only told me this later when we were in our 2nd year of relationship for fear of losing me. But nevertheless, i chose to stay with him.. Since then,we always try to make things work, he explained to me evrything that these were already in the past... and the only reason he is going to communicate with his ex is just because of the child and nothing more. however, i still have this feeling of jealousy thinking im his only 2nd priority next to them (ex & child). He is happy whenever he chats with them in the web (bec. they're in US and were here in Phils.). And that makes me feel being pushed on the side . i feel that they're like a happy family... we have no baby yet and that makes me feel "others" to him. i have no connection with him (the baby)that binds us together as what he had with his ex. we always argue about it. he always wants me to accept him bec. the child is already a part of him. he always tell me to worry nothing bec. he loves me so much & that he also wants to start our own family and be with me for the rest of his life. One day, we came to an agreement to better not tell me whenever he will chat with them in the web to avoid me getting hurt. Although he doesnt intends to keep things hidden from me, he is forced to do it to avoid arguments and fights with me. i agreed with that. I know im feeling being selfish. i know he wants me to get to know his kid and me being in good terms with the kid. but im not ready yet.
There was a time which i accidentally saw their exchanging messages with the ex in facebook. He accidentally left it logged on. I know it doesnt sounds right to get into the privacy of my boyfriend. But out of my curiosity, it made me dig into it without any bad intention. what i found out is their messages talking about non-child related stuffs. like catching up with each other. But it was only a very short conversation.. i even saw one message that my BF even greeted her a mother's day. And that makes me feel even more jealous. confronted him and we argued. i realized that i wished i hadnt read their messages. he explained that he is just building a civil relationship with the ex. i understand him but im so over jealous about it.. i dont know what to do... i wanna be with him for life.. i wanna have a baby also with him. to also feel more important... Should i settle with him?...i would really appreciate hear your advices to me.... :( Thank you
 

jv_66

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#2
Welcome to Penmai....friend.

When you have 7 years relationship with your BF and the child is 6 years old, then it is understood that either your BF still had relationship with her to give the child(then) even after your relationship, or he would have left her, once he happened to know that she is pregnant or before leaving her for some or other reason, she should have got pregnant. All the 3 possibilities are there.

It is not at all possible for any woman to have cordial relationship with your husband's (future) ex-girlfriend or their child. This feeling is not only for you. It will be the same feeling for all the women in the world.

So, there is no surprise with you being sad or jealous with his ex family.

And along with that he will always incline to them only, when you don't have any child in these 7 years' relationship.

Though you may get married next year, you should always bear in mind that he is the legal father of his child and the child will have all the legal rights from him.

You should think as many times as you could that whether you could adjust with the future affection and legal rights with his child from her.

If you think that it will never be possible , then it is wise not to continue this relationship and marry him.

Someday or other, he may find his ex GF better than you (since he has a stronger bond there) and even if you deliver his child in future, he might have relationship with both of you.

Think twice, whether you could digest this kind of realtionship with both the ladies and whether you could accept this.

So, it is wise to discontinue this relationship immediately. This is my opinion and suggestion. And the decision is upto you.

You can surely find a suitable life partner in your future.
 
Joined
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#3
dear sister!
i openly advice you to not settle with him.
life to live happily not to struggle so please understand the reality and try to depart as early as possible.
j.rahmathnisha(human rights activist)

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Don't Share your personal details in the forum.
 
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SADAIYAN

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#5
It is a clear case of exploitation. A man can not ride two horses at a time. The way in which the circumstances conveyed, it is very clear, he will not leave his son. If he wants to continue with his son, there is every possibility that he will maintain his relationship with his (ex) wife (though he may say ex.). We can not live dubious life. Life and relationship should be absolute. No double standards. If you allow this type of relationship, it will not be life, and will be only hell. God save you, if you decide to continue with this gentleman.
 

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