my husband not caring and loving

Apr 28, 2015
we were married before 2 years. from the day 1 of my wedding till now, he is not showing any care or love to me. i am just like a wife who helps him for cooking and a sex toy.

i am so much struggled with this type of behaviour. he is not appreciating any thing, not spending time with me, even not coming to shopping or places with me outside. but he does all these with his friends and colleagues.

when i ask him, he is simply saying that i am reserved. it is not look like reserved. if he is reserved he should be the same in all time know. why he is changing and being good for his friends and being treated like a servant..

whatever tasty food i cook he wont appreciate a word. it hurts me very much. how to handle this life and spend my entire life with him.


Minister's of Penmai
Registered User
Sep 2, 2014
Hi @sivaks,
It is normal that a wife expects appreciation / acknowledgement( angeegaaram) for her effort. Also understand that not everybody gets an ideal husband. All husbands are not expressive. We just build our expectation based on what is shown in TV ads or movie. But in reality it does not happen. This applies to my family too. I used to feel bad when some of my friends tell about the (surprise) gifts given by their husband for anniversary or birthday. It took me some time to realize just because my husband doesn't know to express it doesn't mean that he doesn't care for me. Now a days i just set my mind(from few days before my b'day), that he will definitely forget my bday. So if he wishes, it wud be a sweet surprise for me. If not i just remind him, and show my disappointment, for which he feels sorry.

Next for outting, dont enforce him to accompany you, if he is not interested. Try to find a friend of yours, who would like to accompany you for shopping. Have fun like a "lady's day out". If he likes to hangout more with his friends, invite them for lunch. Get to know them and try to initiate fun activities. Keep the environment lively. Maybe this wud help your husband to come out off his shell and this may break the ice between you guys. Also get to know what kind of outdoor activities your husband likes and coordinate with his friends for hiking, treking, etc.,

Also dont make yourself too dependent on him, after all he too needs his own space. Be patient, lower your expectation, respect his space and smartly plan to find a common space between you two.

Best regards,

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