my husband talking to his exlover

Oct 9, 2014
hi friends i am newly married. married before 6 months and settled in us with my husband. recently i noted that my husband is talking to her exlover thru phone. i listened to their talks. he dont know that. should i tell this to my parents or to his parents or ask him directly.


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Dec 2, 2011
Welcome to Penmai....Shivani.

Sad to know this.

But I want to get clarified with one thing.

How did you know that he was talking with his ex-lover? Did he confess to you about his previous love affair which he had before marriage? or Just at that time, when you overheard the phone talks?

Because, if you knew the matter only when you overheard, if the talks were general and not intimate (as in between lovers), then he would have talked even to his friend. You might have mistaken, if this is the case.

In any case, now for present , please don't reveal this matter to any of your parents. Then your husband might feel embarrassed.

Now, the way to handle this situation is,

If this news is new to you, then you may try the below.

During a leisure tea time, just tell that one of your friend is facing a problem from her husband, that he is still in touch with his ex-lover.

Tell him that, once the husband got married, he should be true only to his wife and never think of the ex-lover which is his past life.

Tell him that this may affect all the 3 persons involved and the future life of their children too.

After this,Just ask him for the suggestion for the problem of your friend since you don't know what to suggest her. Just tell him that your friend saw him talking to his lover over phone. Here don't use the word "she overheard without the knowledge of her husband". If your hubby asks whether that husband knew about her suspicion, you may answer as "don't know".

See his reactions.

You may also tell that, in these days, every man and woman might have a love affair before marriage, which may not succeed (in all cases). Later if they get married to any one else, the previous love chapters in their life should be erased and they should be true to their better half.

You may also tell that, your friend is ready to forgive her husband's mistakes and is ready to make no fuss or problem with the previous affair provided it is not continued now.

These words should shake your hubby. He might immediately change his attitudes and become true to you.

On the other hand, if your husband has already told about his previous love affair, now you can try the below.

During a tea time, first ask him whether he is totally satisfied with you and whether he wants any changes in you. Assure him that you would change yourself according to his wishes.

Next, ask him whether he has totally forgotten the ex-lover and not at all in touch with her.

If he is lying, then you can tell about your overhearing, and why he wants to confuse his married life and whether he is not satisfied with you.

After this, you may repeat the same dialogues which I have mentioned above in the imaginary friend's case, as you are ready to accept him as he is and ask him to promise that he should be only for you and that you love him so much.

Also tell him that all the relatives including both your parents would feel deceived by his way of confusing the married life, which is unnecessary and could be avoided.

Plead him that he has to change himself and be true to you and that this matter is going to be only with you both till he changes.

All the best for your future happiest life.

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