Need your suggestion for my problem


May 18, 2015
I live in USA . I have a teenager studying in 9th grade . She is a school topper.
I recently lost my parents. I have one elder sister and younger brother.(35).
My brother is affected by asperger syndrome (mild autism). As of now my sister is taking care of him. My sister is suffering by taking care of him. Last year I took effort and put him in one special school.
He is not adjusting with my sister and my brother-in-law. Every day ending up with some other problem. My sister is asking me that when I can come back to India for good. Here my husband and my kid , they are not interested to go back to India . For my brother sake I don't want to spoil my daughter's dream. I know I am selfish . But I can't help it .
everyday I am feeling guilty that my sister is suffering and I am not able to take care of my brother.
Trying to bring him here to USA but it is difficult for him to get a US visa.
I have to take care of my brother and also my daughter .
what could be the solution?
pls help me out:(


Minister's of Penmai
Registered User
Sep 2, 2014
Hi sister @Ksr,
First of all , congrats for bringing up an academically successful kid.

I can understand the guilt you are going thru for not sharing your sisters burden. She is physically and mentally stressed out and you are mentally stressed out. There is not need to feel completly guilty, as you already took steps in putting your brother in special school. First believe that you have done what you could and you are still trying to do, within your limitations.
You haven't clarified,
- is he still in that special school
- is he permanently staying there(special school) with your sister visiting him often.
- if this school is not kind of stay-in assisted living center, how long does he spend time in your sisters place.
- what is the purpose of him going to that special school. Do they train him to lead an independent life(as much as possible).
- what kind of conflict does he have with your sister and brother-in-law

Do some ground work in finding any other option to lift the burden from your sisters shoulder(which in turn will reduce your guilt and stress).
Just google "autism adults in india" and there are few online resources available, that has the details about service centers by location.

Inquire and discuss with your sister about the options. You can financially contribute. Only thing is you and your sister shouldn't just put him there and forget about him. Even if you are here in US, you need to make sure that you visit him and your sister atleast once every year. Also talk with your husband and daughter, as they should also understand and support you.

Best Wishes!!!


Citizen's of Penmai
Jun 25, 2014
Hi rathi had explained some points well, and also you didnt cleared some points here is some suggestions.

Try to bring him to US if it is possible, it it doesn't then you can do these,
1. You can visit him in vacations and take care of him during that period fully.
2. You can put him in any caring homes and both you and your sister can go there and visit him often, you can pay the amount and your sister can go there weekly once and take care him.
3. You can make him to stay in your sisters home itself and put a good hearted person or hire a person to look after your brother, you can pay the amount for the staff.

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