Newly married how to maintain relationship with inlaws

Jan 4, 2013
dear friends,

our marriage is love cum arranged after a very big fights due to community problem.

But now everything is ok, but still i can see that there is something lacking in relation with inlaws (mother in law and sister in law)

Pls help me how to maintain smooth and good relationship with inlaws.


Silver Ruler's of Penmai
Staff member
Super Moderator
Jun 28, 2011


Commander's of Penmai
Jan 21, 2012
You can do a lot to stop your mom-in-law from turning into monster-in-law. Here are some simple steps that can help you develop a great rapport with her.
Do your homework: Ask your husband for the issues that she may be touchy about. You may not know about family feuds and other such issues, so don't give your opinion before you know all the details. Also, get to know what she likes. If she loves saas-bahu serials then try and talk to her about it. It may be the ice-breaker that may lead to a great relationship with her.

Bring gifts: Won't you love it if a guests comes to your house with a gift in his/her hand. Similarly, you mother-in-law will appreciate your love for her a great deal more if you take some gifts for her every now and then.
Dress well: If you are out to impress, don't go dressed in clothes that are not ironed and hair that's not brushed properly. And skimpy clothes are a strict no-no. Similarly, it would do you good to not reveal the tattoo on your spine during your first meeting.
Don't compete with her: Accept the fact that a mother is bound to be possessive about her son. So, don't try and tell her how to cook for him. Even if your husband prefers your cooking to hers, don't point it out to her. Give her compliments about her culinary skills and even take recipes from her. A little flattery doesn't hurt, does it?
Be polite: If you can't be overtly nice, then at least be polite. Don't overrule what she has to say. Also, don't get into an argument or debate with her during your first meeting.
Call her often: To make sure that you communicate well with your mom-in-law call her at frequent intervals. Don't wait for her to call you. She will appreciate the fact that you keep in touch over the phone even when you can't be around.
Seek advice: Regardless of whether or not you plan to take it, take their advice. Your spouse's parents will be glad to feel that they still have some influence on their child's life.
Present a united front: Even if you have certain issues with your mom-in-law, don't wash the dirty linen in public. When you are attending a family event make sure that you don't pass snide remarks or discuss you differences in public.
Treat your spouse well in front of them: Parents are obviously very possessive about their kids, and the best way to earn their respect is to treat their child well.
Relax: The most important thing is to not get too nervous, your mother-in-law is bound to be as nervous about meeting you. Secondly, learn to forgive and forget. This simple rule will make your life a lot easier.
Source:10 Superb ways to impress your mum-in-law - Times Of India


Friends's of Penmai
Dec 6, 2012
Dubai, UAE
Hi Sheela,

Mine was an arranged marriage. Everything was good in the beginning. My husband was the only son and the whole family was depending on him. My husband had 3 sisters and he takes very good care of them and his parents. When i got married before 10 years two of my sister-in-laws were married and the youngest was at home who was one year younger to me. My father-in-law was a very good human being but his draw back is he was an alcoholic. My husband is the one who got married to his sisters and takes care of his parents till date. Every thing went well until few days after marriage. All my inlaws were kind and caring with me. But when my inlaws realized that my husband takes care of me extremely well and he loves me too much everything started to change. Especially my husband's sister who was living in the nearby town was a vice-principal in a school and she used to come home on every week end to trouble me. My mother in law was really, really good in the beginning and she also started to find faults from me and my family. Its because, one more sister was at home yet to marry and my husband should take care of his parents for ever, they were scared that my husband might change because of me. Its there everywhere. The most important reason for the misunderstanding and problems with inlaws is the elders and especially sister in laws are jealous and scared of the love that our husband shows towards us. I will give you certain tips that i followed with which i am able to balance well with my in laws and i have never ended with any fights or arguments with my inlaws so far.

Be patient.
Maintain distance with your in-laws, since they are not your own sisters and thay are only your husband's sisters.
Always remember that as your sisters are important to you, your husband's sisters are important for him.
Your husband will love you more if you have a healthy relationship with his parents and sisters.
Never bring your misunderstands with your sisters to your husband's knowledge, even if you want to let him know, just inform him but make sure he never interferes because he needs both you and his family.
Do your responsibilities perfectly.
Show your love towards your husband's sisters and parents whenever you get a chance.
Respect your husband's parents as you respect your own parents.

Make sure that you know your limits with your sister in laws. My youngest sister in law, who was 1 year younger to me initially addressed me as "anni", i was very friendly with her and insisted her to call me with my name, we were so intimate but when i came to know that she back-bites me i was totally upset. Then i learnt a lesson that i should maintain distance with them but i never hate them. I do all my responsibilites perfectly, do all the rituals to be done for the sister in laws for all occasions, take good care of my father and mother in law and now i am successful. I have very healthy relationship with my inlaws, their kids and even with my sister inlaw's husband's families. My husbands parents love me more than they love their own daughters, somettimes they end up with small fights with their own daughters but never any misunderstandings with me. They praise me a lot and say that its God's gift to get me as their daughter in law.

Maintain little healthy distance and do your responsibilities well.
Problem arises among the inlaws with the fear that the son will leave them because of the daughter-in-law. So your responsibility is to get rid of the fear and give them hope that you will take care of them well for ever, if you prove this to them then you will win your inlaw's hearts.

Wish You a Very Happy Family Life!


Super Moderator
Staff member
Super Moderator
Dec 2, 2011

Very well said Gayathri.

Happy to note that you have a cordial relationship with your in-laws.

Yes, Sheela, maintain a little distance with your sister - in- law, but be sure, that you help her in all the ways.

If you have more than 1 sister-in-law, please do not complain about one to another.

And if you have co-sisters, don't tell , all your ill feelings about your other in-laws, to her, because, one or the other day, she might reveal this to others, and it may be embarrassing for you.

Your only outlet can be your mother and sisters .

When your Mother or father - in- law, finds fault with you without rhyme and reason, it may be difficult in the beginning to cope with it, but be PATIENT.

Please do not throw tantrums. When they shout at you, be calm. This can be applied to your husband also. Later, when their anger subsides, you can tell your point of view, in a polite manner.

Even, if they find unnecessary faults with you, which may not even be true, don't fight for that. This happens in every family. Later, the in-laws themselves, may realize their mistakes.

So, you may follow all our suggestions and ENJOY YOUR MARRIED LIFE.

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