please help me and give me some suggestions

Jan 30, 2011
chennai, India
I am living in joint family. My Husband, me, bil and his wife. My bil loved my sister(chithi daughter) for more than two years. Both the families know heir love matter. Everyone said ok for their marriage. But after two years he started to love another girl and married her. At the time of marriage itself she was three month pregnant. Because of these love break my chithi family don't speak with me. I don't like my bil and his wife characters. I don't like to stay with them. But my husband not interested in nuclear family. He is telling that their characters and attitudes not affecting you then why u r bothering. You do your work. I always keep the house clean. But they put the wastages everywhere in and around the house. I told them many times. But they did not hear my words. I don't like them even single percent. My husband went to foreign for four months.. I can't go to my mother house because my son is studying here. I am house wife and preparing for bank exam. Because of them I could not concentrate on studies. What I want to do in this situation


Super Moderator
Staff member
Super Moderator
Dec 2, 2011
Hi @amutha

When your husband is so keen not to break the family, then you may not break your mind in doing that.

May be, he might think that being in the Joint family , you will have the security when he is out of town or out of country.

Now think about these problems in the other way round.

Leave about your chithi's family who do not talk with you. In few more years, they might realize that it is none of your mistake.

You can be satisfied to yourself that it is only God's grace thatyour chithi's daughter is spared for not having married your BIL, who might have left her in the middle of the married life.

So, don't worry about this. It is enough of worrying about this for all these days.

Now, you may not judge about your BIL and Co-sister that their characters, attitude are totally wrong and due to that they are bad persons.

Now you have a very good chance of diverting your thoughts in preparing for your exams, clearing it with flying colours, getting a suitable job, concentrating on your son's studies etc.

so, concentrate/focus only on these. Forget about those unwanted thoughts about your BIL and his wife.

If they do not keep the house clean, you can have a Servant maid for your help. Moreover, you can tell your son to keep the house clean (you need to tell this , when your Co-sister is at home. You can tell him as if you are teaching him about the cleanliness , and not criticizing your co-sister).

By hearing these very often, she might rectify her mistakes.

All people are not perfect always. We all do one or other mistakes and we do learn only through mistakes.

So, your thought or activities towards them should never be seen through a glass of yellow shade.

Think them and treat them as fellow members, like you are staying in a hostel with an unknown friend who is with a different character.

Who knows, because of your friendly treatment and approach, your BIL and his wife may change their characters, attitude and way of handling the house , which would be helpful for their future.

Be patient till you may be accompanying your husband to foreign countries.

Wishes for you to get through your exams and get the job.

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