She unable to accept any men

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#1
Hi penmai.com ladies,girls,women

I am a male. I am writing this post here to get some advice from you all to help my friend.

Me and her were a real good friends since 2 years. we talk n share all our thoughts mutually. Our relationship is real good friends of coping each other. Her age is 28 and I am 26 this didnt affect our friendship bcoz we respect each other better.

Her family seeking an alliance for her for more than a year.

She had a love failure before 2.5 years, she had a hard feeling of this failure whenever she share her sadness with me, I will try to cheer her and "try to make up her mind pray to god friend to get better life leave this sick thoughts" - because that love is totally gone from her hands.

A a friend I also kept praying for her to get what she expecting on alliance and better person to take care of her and her heart. As a friend without any expectation it's my duty/friendship to cheer my friend whenever they are in sad.

Her father also died before 3 years. I am the one trying as part of her DAD to comfort her whenever she falls from her heart.

On this alliances thing, she got one marriage proposal from a person (just a known friend) where she worked in medicine dept in hospital earlier before 3 years, he knew her as he is a medicine supplier visit the hospital and become friends there. He also had a love failure which she knew very well while she working there as a friends.
He don't know about her failure until he conveyed his thoughts before 1 year. After knowing that, he was okay with that and again conveys. She totally didn't have a interest on him in the aspect of marriage side, she still now thinks him just as a known friend. on those co-working days he visits her home and known to her family. he even attended her father's condolence.


He tried few times approaching her, as she didn't give a proper response for that, he started an another way of approaching her family with his parents. she tried stopping him, but he replies her saying "I know you, don't worry I will take care of you" but she kept saying "No I don't have interest/crush on you, just be a friend". As I Knew from her "that this guy didn't have much of what she expected like same caste, very good earning, no interest on him"

Her family also decided to go with this alliance because she had a brother who was at 32 age and need to get married. Her family totally compelled her to accept this alliance. Now she somehow said OK, but she still cries inside her heart bcoz she really dont have any interest on this alliance.

She shared/cried with me that "I dont have a choice, I said Okay bcoz I want my mother and brother to be happy. That alliance is good, their family is good that guy also seems good (he also had a love failure).
but I am unable to accept this guy (no interest coming for me while I am seeing/talking to this person) not only this I am unable to accept any men in a marriage side"


I asked her "Do you still thinking about your past" she "May be that sadness is still inside my deep heart, but I am trying to overcome. I am getting much fear in this marriage, my minimal expectations are not matching with this. I don't know how I will live with them, that guy now itself trying to call me over phone and talking to me with lot of interests - but I unable to talk to him like that - I tried stopping this marriage but I unable - I don't know how I am going live "

As a friend for her who know all the hurts/feels/happy about her, I am able to understand her but one thing I am not sure

"Why she unable to trust any men in a marriage aspect?"

I really want to help her to get better life, I don't know what I can do

While I am writing this, I got tears in my eyes about thinking how much feel/problems she facing in her heart. Sorry about that

Can you all please help me/us to make her better in her life?

Thanks to all
 
Joined
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#3
Krish,

முதலில் உங்கள் தோழி மேல் நீங்கள் கொண்டுள்ள அக்கறைக்காக பெருமைபடுகிறேன்.

காதல் தோல்வி, அதனால் ஏற்பட்ட வலிகள், வேதனைகள், இவைகளை மட்டும் நினைத்து கொண்டு உங்கள் தோழி காலம் முழுதும் திருமணம் பண்ணி கொள்ளாமல் இப்படியே இருந்து விடலாம் என்று எண்ணுவது சரி அல்ல. அது அவரின் பிரச்சனைக்கு சரியான தீர்வும் அல்ல.

கடந்ததை மறந்துவிட்டு, இருக்கும் வாழ்கையை சந்தோசமாக கழிக்க பழகி கொள்ள வேண்டும். காதல் கை விட்டு அதையே நினைத்து மருகி கொண்டு இருப்பது நல்லதல்ல. மறப்பது கடினம் தான். ஆனால் பழைய நினைவுகளை கடந்து தான் வர வேண்டும்.

அனைத்திற்கும் மனது தான் காரணம். இல்லை இது என்னால் முடியாது, வேறு யாரையும் மனப்பந்ததில் இணைத்து பார்க்க முடியாது என்றே நினைத்து கொண்டே இராமல், கொஞ்சம் நிதானமாக ப்ராக்டிகலாக யோசித்தால், தெளிந்த முடிவு எடுக்க முடியும்.

நிச்சயமாக அவரின் மனதை மாற்றி கொண்டு திருமணத்திற்கு சம்மததிப்பது தான் சரி. இப்பொழுது பார்த்திருக்கும் மாப்பிள்ளை பிடிக்கவில்லை, வேறு மாப்பிளை பார்க்க சொல்லி, அவருடன் கருத்துகளை பகிர்ந்து கொண்டு, பிடித்து இருந்தால், தகுதியானவர் என்று உணர்ந்தால் அதன் பிறகு சம்மதத்தை தெரிவிக்கலாம்.

உங்கள் தோழி ஒன்றும் சின்ன பிள்ளை அல்ல, இன்னும் பிடிவாதம் பிடிப்பதற்கு.உங்கள் தோழி நிம்மதியாகவும் சந்தோசமாகவும் இருந்தால் அவரின் அன்னையும், அண்ணனும் நிம்மதியாக இருக்க முடியும்.

முதலில் இவரை திருமணம் செய்ய பிடிக்கவில்லையா? அல்லது திருமணமே வேண்டாம் என்கிறார்களா? என்பதை தெளிவு படுத்திக்கொள்ளுங்கள். உங்களால் முடிந்தால் அவரது வீட்டில் அவரின் மனநிலையை தெரியபடுத்துங்கள். அவரின் அம்மாவிடம் உங்கள் தோழியை மனம் விட்டு பேச சொல்லுங்கள். தேவைபட்டால் கவுன்செல்லிங் கூட்டி செல்லுங்கள்.

உங்களது தோழிக்கு சிறந்த வாழ்கை அமைய நானும் இறைவனை பிரார்த்திக்கிறேன்.
 

Guruji

Minister's of Penmai
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#4
Just a sit and relax discussion with ur friends
with open thoughts will defenitely whats in her mind...

Then decisions shall be made for her marriage.....

Else, if shez so adament, councelling could defenitely help her to bring back to normality... You can approach me, as I am an Astro Councellor...

thanks and regards
 
Joined
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#5
Thank You friend. I will talk to her and will let you know

நண்பர் நன்றி. நான் அவளிடம் பேசி உங்களுக்கு தெரிவிக்கிறேன்
 

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