Sister in law ill-treating her mother in law? How to advice her?

Jan 28, 2015
Hello Friends,

I am looking for relationship advice from you all. My sister in law got married in feb 2014. She not yet celebrate her first wedding anniversary. In these days she often came our house because of some quarrels with her husband. Now also she is in our home only. My mil is no more. Because of her, my father in law is worrying a lot. I really don't have any idea to advice or convince her.

She is always ill-treating her mother in law who is an uneducated person infront of others. because of this attitude there is always fight between she and her husband. My husband also adviced her twice. But she is not listening to anyone'w words.

Pls give me any idea to talk with her. How to start this matter? I don't think that she would listen to my words. But my husband and father in law asked me to explain her about the things. She is not respecting to anyone's words in family. So i hesitate to talk such things with her. Now i can't be calm anymore. Pls give me some ideas to talk with and how to handle her during our talk.


Super Moderator
Staff member
Super Moderator
Dec 2, 2011
Welcome to Penmai....Vinotha.

Sad to know the attitude of your SIL. This is really bad.

Actually, only her Parents can advice her to any extent. Next comes the Brother but to certain extent. You may have many restrictions and it is very difficult for you to convince her even with slightly harsh words.

So, you ought to tackle her only through the softest words and show lot of care towards her.

First you may enquire her about the day to day happenings in her family.

Like what they cook daily, what are timings of their eating and then you may ask about the likings and tastes of her husband.

Ask her how she spends her leisure time if she is not going for a job.

These will initiate the friendly talks among the same age group.

Now, ask about her MIL and her behaviours. Whether she is taking care of her and other things.What all her MIL does for her and the family.

Probably, now she would start scolding about her MIL.

This is the time, when,you may cook up a new story of an imaginary friend whom you have faced in your past.Think about this story before hand itself. so that it will be easy for you to tell the story fluently.

Talk about that imaginary friend who had a similar MIL but with some other problem other than being illiterate .

Tell her, that your friend had fights almost daily with her husband and was very often visiting her parent's house.

For few times the Parents and her siblings kept quite and later, her siblings started ignoring her little by little. Since her visit had been regular , later her parents also lost interest and started ignoring her complaints.

The initial caring of her parents and siblings were lost.

All the neighbours in the Parent's house started looking her with a disrespect.

All these happened only because your friend was not visiting her Parent's house along with her husband in a very joyful circumstance.

So, within few days, the friend realized that a married woman will get total respect only when she is visiting her house along with her husband and children.

She also realized that if that friend's brother's wife is ill treating the friend's mother or father for their ignorance or illness or anything else, your friend will not be able to bear it and will surely fight with the brother's wife and talk ill about her among others.

Similarly,she realized that the neighbours, relatives , friends of your friend will never have a good opinion about her for ill treating and fighting attitudes of the friend.

Also in future, her children will never have a good opinion about her. Her husband would be frustrated with her and will try to be away from her forever.

No son will like to hear ill words about his mother or father from whoever it is, being it his wife also.

She realized all these things within everything could go out of her hand, and started to live a peaceful life with her husband and in-laws.

Tell her that imaginary friend is now living in some remote area, if your SIL questions about her.

May be she could understand the reality after this.

You can also tell her that you and your husband will never leave her and will always take the utmost care for her like her mother.

You can also point out the list of goodness of your SIL's MIL. You can tell that you don't have any chance to enjoy those care taken by the MIL.

If still she continues her fight , only your FIL should talk to her but with little harshness. He can tell all the above facts which a married woman would face if she is not visiting along with her husband or children. He needs to tell them directly without any cooked up story.

Jan 28, 2015
Hi Jayanthy,

Thanks for suggestions. I will try to talk with her by following your suggestion. She don't treat me in a good manner. It is very hard to make a casual talk with her. Moonjila adicha mari than pesuva. Let me follow your ideas and will come back with her reactions. Thank you.


Citizen's of Penmai
Jun 25, 2014
hi vinotha

neenga unga sil kitta intha situationla pesarathu kastam. because muthalla irunthe ungalukula ooralavu understanding iruntha mattum than ippa avanga kitta just like that pechai aarambikka mudiyum. ippa summa satharanama pesanumnu avanga pakathula ponale avanga ithai pathi than pesa varatha than ninaippanga. yena already unga veetla ithai pathi unga sil kitta pesi irukkanga. ippa neenga poi aarambichinga ellar melayum thevai illama ippa avanga irukkara nilaimaikku kopam than varum. yoshikkama veen pidivatham than pidipanga.

avangaluku konja naal time kodunga. porumaiya avangalaye sinthikka vaikara mathiri nadanthukonga. avangaloda family ithu illa, pukuntha veedu than unarnthukkara mathiri seiyunga. ippa neenga unga husband kooda nalla relationshipla irukkarathai ellam pakkum pothu avangalukum avanga husband kooda sernthu irukka aasai varum. family functions, kovil, shopping ippadi veli idangaluku koottittu ponga. mathavangala pakkum pothu illa avanga husband pathi ketkum potho kandippa avangaluku husband kooda irukkarathu than siranthathunnu theriyum.

yarkittayavathu phone la intha mathiri family problem visayam pathi ethechaiya pesarathu pola pesi unga sil ku solla vendiyathu ellam phone la yarttayo solrathu pola sollidunga. athu romba etharthama irukka mathiri irukkatum. ethuvume udane pannatheenga. konjam time kodunga. illaina avangala than indirect ah kuthi kattareenganu ninaipanga.

ippa avangale konjam convince aagi iruppanga. antha time la neenga konjam pakkuvama porumaiya pesi puriya vaiyunga. athuvum avangaloda reaction parthutu ungaloda advice sollunga.

unga sil husband nalla type persona iruntha avarkitta unga husband illa unga mamanarai pesa sollunga. avarai kooda sil ku advice panna sollalam. avangaluku mamiyar than prachanaina, ellarum othukittanga avanga rendu peraiyum konja naal thani kudithanam vaikkalam. athanala avangalukulla privacy kidaikum. orutharai orutharai purinchukavum mudiyum.


Ruler's of Penmai
Registered User
Jul 26, 2012
Hi Vinotha, don't worry. You have confidence on your talent. Your fil and husband are both males. Their word won't carry much weight. You please have confidence and try from your side to convince her. Talk to her with confidence. You will definitely succeed in your mission. all the best. thank you!

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