son is crying while going to school

Jun 4, 2013
i had putted my son in preschool this year. crying a lot before going to school. how can i make him to go without crying. i can't go for work peacefully after sending him.

pls pls help me.


Silver Ruler's of Penmai
Staff member
Super Moderator
Jun 28, 2011
Hi Kirthi!

First my hearty welcome f1.gif to you to our website. It is quite normal for all school going kids in beginning of their school days. My son also did the same. Myself also worried about this for some days.

They ALL cry for at least a week or more. Because they know they are out of their comfort zone, they could be irritated, upset about something, and all the more reason for crying.

Only Solution is to IGNORE, while at the same time ENSURE the child is actually happy in the school. Hand him over to his Teacher or Ayamma whom he likes. Tell him that he could get good friends there & may spend his time happily by playing with them. And he could learn many things (like drawing, new games) from school.

All the best, thank you.

Moderator Note:

This Article has been published in
Penmai eMagazine Aug 2013. You Can download & Read the magazines HERE.
Last edited by a moderator:


Super Moderator
Staff member
Super Moderator
Dec 2, 2011
Welcome to Penmai Kirthi.

As Sumathi has said, you can just ignore his crying.

Most of the children will cry, while going to school for the first time. This will last only for a very few days.

Later, he will become ready to go to school even on holidays. He would not like to sit at home. He would miss his friends. This happened with my son(though he never cried during his first visit to school, but when we shifted to a new state during his U.K.G. he cried for 3 days, due to the new language).

Even on holidays, he will make me to wear him the school uniform and get ready. Later , I used to explain him the fact.

So, do not worry for this. This is going to last only for a few days, may be just for 1 Sumathi has said.

You can tell him, from the morning, as soon as he wakes up and get refreshed " let us get ready soon to meet our new friends and play new games. we can scribble with chalk and play with so many friends only in the school, but while at home, that many friends will not be available."

And you can tell this also " you can eat the snacks/lunch so fast by competing with your new friends. And if you are not crying like the other children do , both your teacher and we would praise you as GOOD BOY".

You should never loose your heart and become sad (you should not even show this on your face), in front of your son,.

The teachers will take very good care .

Moderator Note:

This Article has been published in
Penmai eMagazine Aug 2013. You Can download & Read the magazines HERE.
Last edited by a moderator:


Ruler's of Penmai
Registered User
Jul 26, 2012
Dear Kirthi,

When a child refuses to go to school many parents will wonder what they're doing wrong, but they are not alone.

Why is Your Child Refusing to Go to School?

Four probable reasons for the children refuse to go to school are mainly as indicated below:

  1. to get away from feeling bad. He is trying to avoid something at school that causes anxiety, depression or other feelings of distress.
  2. to avoid social interactions or public evaluation. He has anxiety in social situations, trouble with peer interactions or is worried about how he'll do in testing situations and/or about being called on in class.
  3. to get attention. Her tantrums, clinginess and separation anxiety may be a way to get attention she desires.
  4. to get some sort of reward outside of school. This can be as simple as being able to watch TV or play video games while at home.

His school refusal may be for a combination of these factors, but as long as he's being reinforced, the behavior will continue.

For example, a child may not want to go to school because she or he hates riding the bus. Her / His tantrums in the morning either makes her miss the bus or let her stay home; she / he has been negatively reinforced by successfully avoiding the bus ride.

On the other hand, the child who won't go to school because of separation anxiety is being positively reinforced by getting to stay home and spend time with you.

What Should You Do When He Refuses to Go to School?

  1. Discuss the matter with the class teacher : Your child's teacher may be able to provide some insight as to whether there are things going on at school that are contributing to the problem or she may be able to reassure you that despite the morning tantrums and leg-clinging drop-offs, your child is okay once in the classroom and involved in the routine.
  2. Consult with your doctor : Many children will have physical symptoms as well as emotional ones. It's important to make sure that these symptoms and the accompanying anxiety or depression aren't related to an illness or have any other physical cause. Once you can rule that out, you and the pediatrician can decide together whether it's time to bring a psychologist or counselor on as part of the team.
  3. Be calm and don't create big scene : Of course, this is easier said than done, especially when your child's behavior is disrupting your household and causing you to worry about things like truancy laws and whether or not you're going to lose your job if you have to call in one more day. Regardless, you need to maintain the expectation that school is a non-negotiable activity. Engaging in arguments or bribery is not going to solve the underlying problem.

What's the Next Step?

Once you've identified a problem, your next steps are to get your child back to school and to seek appropriate help for the underlying issue.

Treating that problem, whether it's anxiety, depression, or something else, often will require the assistance of an outside counselor and getting him back to school will require cooperation on the part of the school.

The Family's Role in Dealing With School Refusal

Once you've established a relationship with the school and an outside counselor, it's time to look at what you can do at home to help get your child back to school.

Firstly, you may have to reevaluate your priorities. For instance, if your child won't put on his clothes to go to school, you may need to weigh whether it's more important for him to be wearing school clothes or to be at school. You can discuss with the school authorities and send him to school in their pajamas because it was the only way to get him out the door in the morning.

Other things you may need to do:

Set up a behaviour contact with your child providing rewards for attending school and consequences for not attending.

Teach your child relaxation techniques such as deep breathing
and other stress management skills.

Allow your child to call you and check in at a set time of day.

Provide your child with a picture of you or some other small comfort object

Set more predictable morning routines.

Working With the School to Create a Plan

There are a number of different ways to work with the school to get your child back on track.

A few things to consider:

  • Ask the school to waive or reduce the amount of makeup work your child will have to do to catch up.

  • Create a plan for getting your child from the car into the school. If your child is having problems with separation, a teacher may have to meet you in the parking lot to physically escort your child into the school. In other cases, it may be enough to have someone meet you at the door.

  • Discuss a partial day program to begin. If the school refusal is severe enough, you may need to start with low expectations. It may be OK to consider a day successful if your child literally makes it into the school. Eventually you can build up, hour by hour, until he's there for a fair amount of time.

  • Be creative. If you can't get her into the classroom, perhaps she's willing to sit in the library, lobby or cafeteria with supervision.

for more details visit :

Dec 31, 2011
dear kirthi , at times a child cries just because it has to go away from its mother. but once it enjoys the company of his/her friend he will start playing. so ask the teachers how your son/ daughter is at school . if the teacher says he enjoys school then you can peacefully go to school. remember one thing all human beings even adults find it uncomfortable to adopt to a new situation. let the child take its own time to adjust to the new surrounding. takecare bye.

Moderator Note:

This Article has been published in
Penmai eMagazine Aug 2013. You Can download & Read the magazines HERE.
Last edited by a moderator:

Important Announcements!

Type in Tamil

Click here to go to Google transliteration page. Type there in Tamil and copy and paste it.