very traditional mother in law

Jun 25, 2014
hi sisters i am jeya. got married before 6 months. living with my in-laws. really i am getting irritated because of my mil's behaviour. she is very traditional. she is expecting me also like her. what ever i did dont do like this. follow my words and all. during my period times she is not allowing me in kitchen and in some other places. she always giving many many instructions to be act during that times. those things are very annoying. not only in this matter she is always want me to very traditional like her. in my home i was never be like that. no one forced me to do such things. even i like to follow and have more respect about our traditions and culture. but because of my mil's torture i might hate to follow these and all. please tell me how to cope up with my traditional mother in law. i just can't tolerate her. can we (me and my husband) live as a separate family? will it be solution for this problesm.


Super Moderator
Staff member
Super Moderator
Dec 2, 2011
Welcome to Penmai Jaya.

Please don't worry for this and get annoyed.

Most of the MILs are traditional and do follow them till now. And many of them do insist their DILs also to follow them. This is because, they cannot accept the way in which the DIL behaves by not following the tradition.

You should understand one thing. Life will not be the same as it was in your parent's house after marriage.

It will have lots of changes and may change entirely for some.

So, we got to ADJUST according to the place .

Think of these situations.

If your mother had followed these traditions and insisted you to follow them , surely,you would have followed them isn't it......

And , think of this situation.

You are working in one office and few procedures are followed there which you like. Later due to some reason, you need to quit that office and join in another office.

This new office has entirely different procedures which may be difficult for you to follow, but here you are getting a salary which is very higher than the previous one and most of the members are friendly with you except few.And you are now in a position not to leave the job due to financial constraints in your family.

Now, you can think whether you will want to leave the new job just for few reasons of incompatibility (not able to adjust with the new procedures and your dislike for few members). I think you will take a wise decision to get accustomed to the new office and continue there itself just by ADJUSTING.

In the similar way, first you should make up your mind, that you will have to adjust with the new surroundings and circumstances just for the sake of FAMILY HARMONY.

You are not the only person facing such a MIL. Most of the married ladies have faced , still facing and will face in future also, such kind of MILs. All of them are continuing to stay with their in-laws only just to maintain the family harmony.

There is nothing wrong in listening to the words of MIL who asks you to follow just the traditional methods.

Now, if you adjust to your MIL's words and methods, she would be pleased and at the same time, when some of her relatives happen to visit your house happen to find these, they may sometimes advice her not to insist the old fashioned methods to the new genre girl (yourself). Then she might change herself.

In many houses when there is someone else to cook, the elder people may not allow the younger generations to enter into the kitchen, pooja room etc. during periods. This is not new.

You can surely adjust to all these simple issues, though you don't like it. In due course, you may get accustomed to these.

If the methods followed goes severe, ie., idiotic, then your husband can tell her, that she can follow them but not insist you to .

Even now, you should not tell these to her.

You can also think one more. If you become a MIL, your DIL may also have some or other issues, even though you don't insist her to follow your methods. And this is never ending issue.

This is a very small issue and just for this reason, you should not think of living separately with you husband.

If you tend to live separately, your husband will also have a bad impression about you and all the relatives will also feel the same. In future, your children will also not be able to get full affection from their grandparents.Also, she might tell all the others, that you are not a good DIL.So, by simply adjusting with her, you can avoid these things.

So, please try to adjust with your MIL and make up your mind that you got to. Then you will not feel frustrated.

For more details, please click the below links which may give much more clarifications.

How to run Smooth family


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