What pushes people to PDE?


Lord of Penmai
Jul 5, 2011
What pushes people to PDE

Expressing your anger on a pubic forum seems to be the new PDE (What pushes people to PDE). What is it that pushes you to do this? Tanya Datta explores

You will come across innumerable types of couples-some who talk too much, some whose PDA is on the brink of pornography while some who love to fight in public. While arguments, constant nagging and fights are a catalyst that trigger verbal duels in private, a latest trend nowadays is that of engaging in a spat on a public forum like networking sites.

Even though such outbursts are brief, it leads to an awkward silence when in a group, as people acquainted to the couple are unsure how to react to a spat that they ideally should not be privy to. In their defence, some couples say that it's the best way to let each other's friends know the other side of the story while others want to spare themselves from the talking-in-a-high-pitch drama.

Amrita Hom Ray, PR professional says, "I feel people nowadays have become social media junkies. They seem to be obsessed with updating their actions on popular networking sites. I have seen so many people whose status updates are about their fights, arguments or about how their partner has let them down, etc. This is not a healthy habit and needs to stop because I feel these people are attention deprived. Their friends stop taking their relationship seriously. I personally dislike seeing these trashy updates about people's personal lives on my wall."

Psychologist Seema Hingoranny claims this phenomenon is extremely common these days, and adds, "When patients come to me for advice I tell them not to make arguments public, or involve their relatives in it, because they can manipulate the situation. This happens when partners want to vent out their feelings and have no means to do so. A man had come to me once saying that he cannot speak to his wife because she is extremely hostile and he wants to avoid a verbal fight so he would post statuses on his wall as it was the only way he could deal with it. I often tell my patients to overcome that 'moment of rage' because it is just that single moment that can break your relationship.

The funny thing is that most people feel guilty after doing such a thing." For psychiatrist, Anjali Chhabria, expressing and venting feelings is the most important thing to do. She says, "If a person takes petty issues and fights to a public platform, it just shows how immature that person is. Such behaviour is expected from a teenager, not an adult. There are so many people who are constantly updating their status messages on these sites that it feels as if they live to update their lives on them. This is completely unhealthy. When a person just vents his/her feelings through these sites, it is a clear case of the person's escapist tendency. They do not want to face their partner and clear the air between them. They believe that using such a platform will make things better, which is not the case. I feel sometimes silence speaks louder than words."

Terming such platforms as a 'breeding ground for negativity', Nischay Bhatia, a travel journalist, says, "Apart from expressing PDA, a lot of couples have started washing their dirty linen in public. They mostly do so to keep their friends and partners updated about their 'situation'. By sharing their brawls online, they release their anger, express sarcasm and their expectations. I have done this a lot. It has helped me get attention from my partner and advice from my friends and loved ones." There are ways and means by which one can handle such a situation because according to Hingoranny, "Demeaning your relationship can result in damaging your partner's self-esteem and in some cases can cause depression. The best way is to let these negative emotions pass by, think with an open mind and maybe write a personal letter to your spouse or talk it out with your confidant.

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