Wife’s affair to a guy before Marriage

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Sep 4, 2012
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#1
hello all
I am married before 6 years... ours was fully arranged marriage. After a years of our marriage, I came to know that my wife had an affair with a colleague in her old office, She told me the love between them and promised that she won’t think of him or go back. I too relied on her words. We have two kids and life went smooother before the last june month.
But recently for the last two months, she is getting unanimous calls, she is just cutting the calls when i am around her and she’s attending the call after confirming that i am not around her. I tried to trace the number, but I can’t since the call is from interenet call.
I am getting mad these days, i can’t even go to office peacefully, i don’t know how to enquire her? and how life will turn after that? thinking about my kids future i am in silent but pls help me to put a fullstop to all the problems.
 
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#2
Hello. Here is my suggestion. It is first of all mature of you to accept and move on regarding her past affair. This is so common these days and you did the right thing by not making ait a big deal.
Coming to the problem at hand. Communication is key. Let us assume that she is indeed having a secret affair with that same person or someone else. No doubt it is very painful for you and it is a grave error on your wife's part for breaking the marriage wows. Ask yourself if you can truly get over it and make the marriage survive? Or is divorce the best ption for everyone? If you decide your marriage is important enough to you tha you can forgive this slip and accept her then the best way to move one is to confront her gently.
Arrange for a private conversation with her in a private place preferably your home as there may be emotional out bursts and arguments. Make sure children wont disturb you for an hour at least. Ask her to allow you to say what you have to say before she responds or interrupts. Begin by telling her, you love her and you are having this conversation only because you value your relationship together and want you both to have a fulfilled life. Tell her it is better to communicate than to fester doubts and misunderstandings. Tell her you feel she is becoming distant from your relationship and that she may be getting closer to someone else. If this is true, then you are truly hurt. But also sad that somehow it seems like you failed in giving her all the love and affection she needs and that must be why she went outside. If it is not true then you will be very releived that you got this out in the open before the misunderstanding caused a distance in your relationship and ruins it. Make sure you openly ask all the questions about the odd phone calls. Ask her to be honest as it is not of any use to both of you if she hides. Tell all this to her in a way that makes it clear that you only want your relationship to be solid, not in an accusatory and derogatory way that makes her feel like a criminal.

All humans have moments of weakness. Lot of people do not cheat only because of lack of opportunity. It takes a lot to overcome temptation if the opportunity presents itself. Also in the case of women, then cheat emotionally before there is any physical involvement. That is why emaotional closeness with husband is more important for women. The husband should be they only male confidante. Ie. When there is a secret or private issue to be shared not to more than one or two people, the husband should be the only male that the wife shares it to. If there is another male that she shares her secrets with, that is an indication that she is getting emotionally closer to some one and can very well lead to physical cheating in the future.

I sincerely pray and hope that your marriage succeeds. Good luck. Be positive.
 

sumitra

Ruler's of Penmai
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#6
Every body in their life time idhellam nadappathu sagajammappa. Before marriage edu eppadi irunthal enna after marriage one should be very much truthful to the other. Belief only leads to happiest life. Be understanding your partners' problem and discuss. Forget the past. Live cheerfully in the present.
 
Joined
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#7
Ashok, my suggestion. First of all, be a man. You need to be firm and decisive, and not act weak.. Otherwise, your entire life, people are going to take advantage of you, and all you will be doing is crying like a girl while people walk all over you.

Women, for most part, are slaves of passion, and your intuition may be right. It is highly likely that she has revived contact with the other guy again, thought it may not have gotten physical.

Your kids are your priority. So sit down and have a frank discussion with her , about what's bothering you, and tell her she needs to act in a more mature way, atleast for the kids future. You need to be firm here, and not act weak.

If things do not improve, you need to ask yourself if you have the balls to stand-up for you what you think is right (judging from your original post, i doubt that ) . If you do not have the balls, you can continue to weep and cry about it here and on other forums..

If you do have the balls to take firm decisions, and things have not improved, contact a lawyer immediately, and take it from there.. Remember, your kids are your priority, and you dont want to end up a nervous/suspicious wreck , forever doubting your spouse, because that will affect your kids too.

All the best
 

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